Cry While Driving Because of Mommy (I wish I could make that rhyme)

Yesterday, I was cruising down the street lanes in my whip (ha!) listening to Late Registration (my FAVE Kanye album). Usually I sing-a-long to every song because I actually know the words to most of it and singing-a-long makes the trip to your destination much shorter. Somehow, I got into the zone around track 16 which is titled "Hey Mama". Instead of singing along, I truly took the time out of my safe-traveling experience to truly enjoy the meaning to the song. Of course, Kanye is speaking of his relationship with his mother (by the way, this song means a lot because he wrote this song BEFORE his mom passed away...alive and well...always the best time to show your love for someone), but a LOT of it relates to me and how I feel about my mother. And guess what my a$$ started to do??...........I started crying!!! WTF!!??!! I haven't cried on a song since '91 (true story....I used to cry to some sappy Christmas song at the age of 4. I was weird). After I realized I was crying, I started to laugh at myself for being a sappy bum. I think I must have embarrassed myself (the people in the cars next to me probably thought that I was having an emotional breakdown...menopause at the age of 22...break downs and ish). but ANYwhooo...after I stopped thinking that i was a rah-tard, I realized that I had a reason to at least drop a small tear (I only had like 2 tears throughout this process). The reason is:

I FREAKING LOVE MY MOMMY!!!

I am one lucky mamma jamma. BELEE DAT! My mommy is goofy just like me, funny, weird (a good weird), has nice jewelery (random quality but who cares), helps with funds, gets on my nerves at times (but that just proves we are normal and our souls are not possessed or nuthin' like that), has a crush on Mos Def and Common (at least i think so), laughs at things in church that are not supposed to be funny, does not try to be cool and wear Air Force 1s, looks younger than her age, still will wrestle me, gets manis/pedis every week, drives a Jeep Commander, likes to go bowling and has her own bowling shoes and 2 balls even though she is not a professional, has 3 weirdos for kids, knows how to work the Wii, plays Bingo at home for money, cheats when playing Scrabble (you are not supposed to look at the dictionary if you want to be a legit winner in Scrabble...it's just not fair), drinks Malibu rum with pineapple juice, says "easy greasy" as a salutation when we get off the phone, lets me eat in the living room with the cream carpet, takes pictures with crackheads because the crackhead's sign is funny (click HERE for proof!!), and there's so much more but I would take over the Made Monarchs blog with my antics alone and I love my fellow Monarchs so I will not go thus far. Just know i looooveee my mama.

I have decided to end this post awkwardly...

soooo.....the end.

Fantasia........For Real????

Last night was the season premiere of singer Fantasia's new reality show on VH1. "Ignorance is Bliss" equals Fantasia and her family. There was SOOO much going on in one show. From the jump, VH1 found it humorous to quote Fantasia in bold text across the screen. It read: "2010 is Mines". MINES????......Fantasia....For Real????...(Sidenote: It would have been fitting to put question marks after the title of the show).

ANYwhoooo, we got to meet her family. Her mama....which is obviously where Fantasia got ALL her looks from. Her brother Ricco...who was barely in the show but I decided to mention him anyway. Teeny....*long pause + blank face*.....her smoochin' a$$ brother who looks like Benji Brown aka "KEKE" from Comic View. Her daughter Zion.....no comment. And lastly, her Aunt Bunny......*sigh*.....I am not fond of this lady at ALL! You know there's always that outspoken person in your family who doesn't know how to stop talking....well that would be Aunt Bunny in Fantasia's family. Except I came to the conclusion that she was probably even MORE outspoken because the cameras were on. I seriously wanted to turn into a pixel, go through the tv, and infect her a$$ with the most dangerous radiation ever in life.

Besides all of that, there were a few "hmm" moments:

- At the beginning of the show, Fantasia said she had to deal with the rumors of her being illiterate. However, they showed a preview for future shows and she was told that she was at a 7th grade level......"hmm".....Might as well be illiterate.

-Fantasia had 19 different hairstyles in one taping......."hmm".....didn't think that was possible.

- Fantasia is tatted up like the subway in Harlem...."hmm"......looks like third-degree burns tho.

- Fantasia talks like Dill Pickles and sings like a male leader of a church choir who is gay...."hmm"...think about it.

- Fantasia proceeded to say "that word" again....."She ain't yo child..She MINES"...."hmm"....7th grade level kicks in.

- Big back b*tches stay in Fantasia's crowd...straight from my Twitter...."hmm"...maybe you should follow Me: TwiggyKix


Regardless of me being confused and annoyed throughout the entire show, I will still continue to turn my channel to VH1 Monday nights at 9pm central time.

P.S. I also watched the show "Let's Talk About Pep" afterwards and came to the conclusion that Pep could body slam me and break 5 different body parts with her LegoMan body.

STANK Is No Good In A Learning Atmosphere #fact

This is my little niece Tamera....4 years of age. I love her....just as goofy as I am...(just in a smaller body). My oldest sister/ her mama called me last night to tell me that Tamera had gotten in trouble at school. My 1st reaction was 'O LAWD' because my sister is "that one parent" who tries to take any situation her kids are involved in to court. So I was waiting for there to be a big uproar. Well....that actually wasn't the case this time. According to my sister, (after a long "conference" with the teacher) Tamera deserved her punishment....which was a timeout in the corner *sad face*. I'm sure you all wanna know what she did (If u don't, F-U & keep reading anyway)...She simply kept changing seats because she did not want to sit by the stank kid in the class....The teacher kept telling her to sit still but she wouldn't. Ok...if I was the teacher, this would not be a big deal!!! I would simply help Tamera find a comfortable place (assigned seats ain't ISH by the way). I have been in Tamera's position before...1st grade....got in trouble for not wanting to sit by the "boy who smelled like pee". So I know her pain!! It's not a good thing to have to endure such STANK! All she wanted to do was find a comfortable seat/area so she could simply learn her lessons for the day *innocent face*.

Ok so maybe i am playing the "over-protective" role as the aunt, but #imjustsayin (<--Twitter lingo). Teachers should be aware of the stank kids in the classroom. And they can't tell me that they don't know who they are. If a 4-year-old notices a foul aroma, I know the grown person in charge will. It's time to take a stand teachers!! You have 4-year-olds who are hinting to you that they are in pain & suffering! Do you want this to distract them from their studies so they can turn into deadbeats and crack hoes when they get older because YOU didn't allow them to get comfortable and move away from the smelly distraction!?! Contact the stank kids' parents and let them know the deal. If you see that the stank kids' parents are stank too....offer them a business card to the nearest therapy counseling in the area....because this is TRULY a problem!!

Let's all take a stand and promote good hygiene!!!

Clean Classrooms = Productive Learning

Paw Boots

Over Thanksgiving weekend, me, my sister, & mother were watching The Wiz...u know...the hood classic rendition of The Wizard of Oz. ANYwhooo...I love my mother. My siblings and I received our goofy traits from her. In the movie, she points out that the Lion has thick heels on his paws. (I wish I could have gotten the part in the movie that she pointed out, but the photo will have to do.) If you look VERY closely in the photo up above, you will see that I pointed out the infamous heel. Can you believe that is real?! What kind of lion needs heels on his paws?!! The movie is unrealistic already on its own...but to put HEELS ON PAWS?!!!!....a disgrace. After careful research, I decided that the heels on paws must have been requested by the actor portraying the lion...(after all, he is the one who has to bear the pain of walking around on paw heels)....and I was right....

--LOOK AT GUY ON FAR RIGHT--

He LOOKS like a person that would request some heels on some paws... *3 snaps in Z-formation*

Muppet Man

I found Rowlf!!

Why?

Why Is My Momma on facebook?
if you are over 52 and graduated Ucity in 75'
you should not be on there!!

MY FAM IS SO HOOD

SO WHO AM I GON STAY WITH OVER THE WEEKEND? WORD AROUND MY HOUSE MY SISTER ABOUT TO GET READY FOR THANKSGIVING, AND IM NOT TALKIN ABOUT NO GOOD $HIT EITHER IM TALKIN ABOUT THAT $HIT $HIT ........

MY BROTHER IS CRAZY

Aries Baker (my bro) is one of the most funny phuckers i know! every since he's been on facebook to express himself I think his humor has gotten better. I think saying whatever the PHUCK you want makes every step in life much better. He and John nichols are the top 2 phuckers of doing so. Check out some of his facebook thoughts so you can get a better understanding.....

Have anyone every seen a white roach I have.. Thinking shakin my head.. "how in the fuck did that happen."Funny, that shit scared the fuck out of me I didn't know what to do kill that bitch or follow it lol

Shit I get home and the only one I have to talk to is my dog (Dolce) he sit there with his head cock to the side .. He can't speak but he understand ... Shit, it's good he can't talk because everything I say is right and he can't say shit to prove me wrong.......

**Random Thoughts** When you in the shower and you have to pe-pe, do you get out or pee in the shower..........

WARNING WARNING ! ! ! ! If you have a cheap brand of bathroom tissue, it may break while wipein your ass .. this may resort in what we call shit fingers. Please let this be a warning to those that shop at corner stores... and please wash your hands .............

Has anyone mastered pissing with a morning hard on?

HOPEFULLY YOU GET WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THIS FOOL, IF YOU DON'T YOU AIN'T $H*T AND I PROBABLY WOULDN'T PHUCK WITH YOU.

BYE

Mini Fashion

Babies can have style too!!..thanks to Pre-K Apparel. This brand brings streetwear to the infant/toddler world. I hope this brand is still alive by the time I have a baby..(in about another 10 years). Check out more styles at their site HERE! (select fits on Karmaloop.)

By the way....I am greatly saddened at the fact that I forgot to give a birthday shout-out to my baby nephew Koby on the blog! He turned 1-year-old on September 20th. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KOBY JAMES!! I'ma have to get him some of this Pre-K gear. (And I hope this post is still alive by the time he is able to read so he can see this for his self and appreciate it. But for now...his mommy can)

AWWWWKWARD!!!

I recently found a site that tickled my fancy. Awkward Family Photos. I have some funny photos in my family but not THIS funny. People be hatin' on the site saying "How can you get a kick out of making fun of these people?"....BECAUSE WE CAN!!! Check out these here:

BIRTHDAY SHOUT OUT TO MY SISTER!!!

Today is my big sister Pamoja's bday!! Bet you can't guess how old she is?!  (and don't base off the pics...that was in her prime. hehe). 

Pamoja Is:

*a daughter

*a sister

*a wife

*a mother

*an actress (sometimes)

*a workaholic (she can't never get off)

All in all...she's WONDERFUL!

But I just wanted to wish her a GREAT birthday and many more! LOVE YOU!

P.S.A!!:: Today is also Cindo de Mayo and Chris Brown's birthday. He ain't gettin no love anywhere else. So I will show him some. lol.

The Fly Nephew

SO my nephew is about to graduate from the 8th grade and get ready for that next step... HIGH SKOOL! Lately he has really been on that "get fresh tip"...calling me to ask about the latest kicks and jeans to get. Yall no me...I stay nice...so why wouldn't I keep my nephew clean?? But when it comes to the haircut, this lil cat don't play.......Check out my dude's cut.
By the way...that's a Ralph Lauren suit........he gotta get it tailored tho....LOL