PSA for hoes in the fast lane

I am soooo over traffic! I have the hardest time getting to school in the morning because the St. Louis area decides to do the bulk of their construction at high points in traffic. Today I felt like exploding in a large-sized flame on the highway. Hopefully my life would be revived and I would get a new car. But ANYwhoo...that's besides the point. Besides the excessive brake lights and snail-like speeds, impatient drivers in bad weather conditions is what REALLY grinds my gears! If you ride my bumper...and I have no way of speeding up due to a car literally 2 inches in front of me...where do you think that will get you??...NO WHERE!! So not only did you just make yourself upset for no reason but you made me even MORE irritated than I already was and now you have given me a reason to put a hit out on you....but I digress. I am not a violent person.

However, while sitting in traffic...of course I have nothing to do but think. I came up with the idea of putting a LED screen in the back of my car for wreckless drivers behind me to read. The closer you are to my bumper...the easier it is for you to read and that means this message was obviously directed at you. Here are some of the things that my LED screen would read:

• Good morning hoes!!

• I can extract rifles out the back of my tires....don't make me use them

• Where ya headed???...NO WHERE!

• Care to get in an accident today?

• Care to lose the case?

• I can extract midgets with armed weapons out the back of my trunk...don't make me use them.

• Please stop....don't make me "get buck"

• "Who gon' check meh boo?"

• *insert middle finger here*

• I hate my car anyway. And I would love your money. Can't wait for you to hit it *smile*

• "I say whoops...up..side ya head. I say whoops upside ya head"

WHO GON HELP ME CREATE THIS?!....(After this, we will be inventing a teleporting machine. Get ready)

Talk Dark and Stylish

MR. NESBITT GIVES A FALL TIP. . .

[With the help of Clothing from Nicholas K. Fall 09 Collection]

You don't go hard with color? Do you wear alot of black? gray? or dark green?

thats fine, but if your going to be dark and plain in color, step it up with the structure of your garments.
That means make sure your coat has plenty of pockets, buttons, overlays or deconstruction, and that you have on different fabrics. Mix and match knits, corduroys, leathers and synthetics. The more you mix the more fashion forward you will look. [THIS ONLY APPLIES TO WEARING THE SAME DARK COLOR]

I would like to see more people wear a new fit of jeans , Lower the crotch!
[Don't sag but please stay way from skinny jeans that make your junk look non-present.]
[Warning Having a low crotch only works for tall people, if you are not at least 5'9ish please dont try this]
Raise the Collar! [Please dont raise your shirt collar] I meant just raise your coat collar, if you are comfortable enough you can pull it off and still look serious.

Raise the Boot! Timbs are out, Polo boots are drowning. Go for less mainstream brand, there are hundreds out there, also go for height! get some military inspired boots that reach up the calf. Make sure the design is simple and the materials are matte, and dont collect scuffs and dirt.

Tips 4 The Dirty Folks

I am so tired of smellin funky mutha suckaz. When I get in the shower and bask in the fragrance of my products, I think about all the dirty/filthy/stank/sh*tty-smellin mutha suckaz in this world...*sigh*...I wish I could give people a lifetime supply of my bath products. BUT this is not possible. So if there was a way I could help, it would have to be through this blog....Take heed and check it! In the picture above are most of my essentials that assist in my pleasant, CLEAN experience during shower time. I would appreciate if you (just maybe), took a trip and give these products a try! *friendly smile*

(some of these products may be too feminine for the males out there but if you stank, i recommend you use them anyway):

• Dove products are always a good way to go. Nothing says CLEAN like Dove (I should be in their commercials huh?)

• You HAVE to wash that face. Noxzema is an old school "remedy" but the sh*t works for me. Face products are iffy tho. Everyone's face isn't the same so you might have to go a different route.

• Keep that face moisturized. Not too greasy...not too ashy. Ponds is good for YOU! (Ponds is an old school lotion but it's fresh)

• Dental care!!...Colgate TOTAL is recommended (it gets down to the nitty gritty) and keep some floss on hand.

• Now...I'm not a huge fan of powder but I happen to like the smell of Johnson's lavender-chamomile baby powder. Please don't overdo the powder tho. (Good for smelly ass feet tho!)

• Do smelly people shave?...it just seems like smelly people stay hairy. BUT let's say they do ...try Aveeno shaving cream. It's healthy and good for the skin. [SIDEBAR (kind of):: please do not shave constantly. This is bad for your skin. trust me!...I've seen some folks that was f'd up]

• To assist those smoothly-shaved legs, try Nivea lotion...THE ENRICHED FORMULA ONLY!!! The regular kind ain't sh*t. But enriched keeps you moisturized.

• Wash your hands all day! But when at home, try this dope ass hand soap from Bath and Body Works. It's called "Moonlight Path"..it smells GORGEOUS!

I hope this was of help stank folks. If you are not stank...please relay this message to your smelly ass friends.

I DE$IGNED MY$ELF

The Fellow Monarchs and I took a little shopping trip earlier this week. NO MALLS, NO INTERNET, NO BOUTIQUES...........THIRFT!!!!!!

YES yall read right, you see that ILL a$ cardigan below? $1.65 yall thinking "THAT'S IT"? yes thats all folks. The rest as follow...........

Skully-CTRL=$35
Specs-Ray Ban=$245
T-shirt-Hanes=6pck 5 tees= $7
Cardigan-Aggio=$1.65
Watch-G-shock=$70
Jeans-Polo=$17.00 (SALE AT DILLARDS)
Sneaks-Jordan Aqua 8s=$145

"no body built like you, You designed yourself"

PHOTOGRAPHY BY: JESSICA LYNN