DOO-DOO CHRONICLES (PART 1)

My homies and I have convos that often go off on a tangent....an interesting tangent nonetheless. If you know me, there are a lot of words that I cannot/will not say/use. Basically, these words are banned from my vocab due to my morals (*pause*...NOT!) or for the simple fact that it just sounds disgusting and trife. But NO ONE has more banned words from their vocab than my friend Ebo-S. She can't say ANYTHING! She has me beat (I mean...at least I can say TWAT!)

Somehow, we started talking about doo-doo. Ebo-S explained how she couldn't stand that word. This girl can't say DOO-DOO?!! I mean...you DO something, so why not say it twice??....DOO-----DOO! But Anywhoooo, I wanted to continue on with this convo out of curiosity. So I asked her: What word do you use? (I mean...there are so many to pick from: DOO-DOO, SH*T, DEUCE....and so on). She said that she doesn't use the words at all; she just says "Go to the restroom". I pressured her because she HAD to refer to it at least ONCE in her life. Finally, she admitted that she used the word "BLOP" if need be. Mr. Nesbitt said that word was worst because that's the sound it makes when it hits the water.

Finally, Octavius decided to ask Ebo-S if she would say "DOOKIE" for $1 Million dollars. Now, I HATE the word DOOKIE, but for $1 Million, I would say it in as many ways possible including in different languages. Ebo-S agreed. And Mr. Nesbitt chimes in with "Boy I'll EAT dookie for $1 Million!" *blank face* We all got WEAK!!

The convo veered off a little more and me and the homie Hump decided to figure out the different characteristics of the various words for a bowel movement. Here's what we came up with:
* Doo-Doo is wet but takes various shapes depending on how your booty hole is feeling
* Poop is wet but is molded in shape and skinny and it has a reddish-brown color to it
* Boo-Boo is hard and dark
* Dookie is hard and green
* Sh-t is big, long, and regular brown

If you got more DOO-DOO DEFINITIONS, post them mugs in the comment box

P.S. If you are offended by DOO-DOO TALK, your stay on MadeMonarchs.com is not welcomed anyway! You ol' mark-a$$-buster!!

MORE DOO-DOO STORIES TO COME!!!

Memoirs of @Nicholsaccomp and @Mademonarch_o: You Are a Virgin By Default

Me and my dude @mademonarch_O are like the missing black cast members of Seinfeld. We spend so much time talking about the hidden oddities of life. On any given day you can catch us discussing the most random/pointless shit you could ever imagine. These subjects may range from , "Certain "Sneakerheads" lust for hype and lack of love for sneakers" to "Why the do farts smell so putrid". No matter what we are talking it always ends up pretty entertaining.

Before I jump into the meat of the blogworthy subject we discussed recently, I feel it's somewhat necessary to give a little background information on the process we go through when discussing these topics. I find it rather amusing/ingenious myself.


Step 1: We start off with a highly competitive flame session. We basically go back and forth trying to see who can say the most shocking statement about whatever subject and/or person for around 10-15 minutes.

Step 2: Once the excitement has died down or our stomachs are hurting too bad to continue, one of us, usually mademonarch_o, proposes a question.

Step 3: We discuss this question until we reach a conclusion.

Step 4: mademonarch_0 sings,"Blooooog Poooooost!" in a shockingly melodious operatic tone.

Step 5: I blog the shit for everyone to enjoy.


The particular subject I am writing about today pertains to the group of males that claim to be virgins for religious reasons. I imagine that most people have met a guy in his 20's that tells you he is waiting until marriage to have sex. They usually give you this speil about how they have decided to wait until marriage because the Bible tells you it's a sin to have sex prior. One time, a dude told me and a group of other people in a college bible study, his love for his future-spouse was so strong that he is sacrificing sexual activity now in order to be able to present his uncorrupted body to her in the future... ( While all the ladies in the room said "aawww" and shit, I thought to myself "I don't think I have ever met a bigger "sucka" in my life!"... By the way, a couple of those awww-ing females had given me the pussy or some mouth before. It was fucking college, he could have their heart while I play with their orifices!) Anyway, we have decided that 99.9% of these clowns are frauds. The reason why most virgin males that are older than 22 aren't fucking, regardless of religion, is because the chicks they WOULD fuck DON'T want to fuck them. I would even go as far as saying that most guys who are still virgins at that age, can't get pussy at all.

I have met too many guys that were supposedly waiting until marriage, and once a somewhat desirable female put 'it" in their face it took no longer than two weeks before they were trying to bust that shit open... If you tell me that you are waiting to have sex until you are married, I am going to need some references to prove that your stance has been tested for me to even begin to take you serious. Because if you can't smash any of the chicks you want to, you aren't a virgin by choice my friend. You are a virgin by default!..