DOO-DOO CHRONICLES (PART 1)

My homies and I have convos that often go off on a tangent....an interesting tangent nonetheless. If you know me, there are a lot of words that I cannot/will not say/use. Basically, these words are banned from my vocab due to my morals (*pause*...NOT!) or for the simple fact that it just sounds disgusting and trife. But NO ONE has more banned words from their vocab than my friend Ebo-S. She can't say ANYTHING! She has me beat (I mean...at least I can say TWAT!)

Somehow, we started talking about doo-doo. Ebo-S explained how she couldn't stand that word. This girl can't say DOO-DOO?!! I mean...you DO something, so why not say it twice??....DOO-----DOO! But Anywhoooo, I wanted to continue on with this convo out of curiosity. So I asked her: What word do you use? (I mean...there are so many to pick from: DOO-DOO, SH*T, DEUCE....and so on). She said that she doesn't use the words at all; she just says "Go to the restroom". I pressured her because she HAD to refer to it at least ONCE in her life. Finally, she admitted that she used the word "BLOP" if need be. Mr. Nesbitt said that word was worst because that's the sound it makes when it hits the water.

Finally, Octavius decided to ask Ebo-S if she would say "DOOKIE" for $1 Million dollars. Now, I HATE the word DOOKIE, but for $1 Million, I would say it in as many ways possible including in different languages. Ebo-S agreed. And Mr. Nesbitt chimes in with "Boy I'll EAT dookie for $1 Million!" *blank face* We all got WEAK!!

The convo veered off a little more and me and the homie Hump decided to figure out the different characteristics of the various words for a bowel movement. Here's what we came up with:
* Doo-Doo is wet but takes various shapes depending on how your booty hole is feeling
* Poop is wet but is molded in shape and skinny and it has a reddish-brown color to it
* Boo-Boo is hard and dark
* Dookie is hard and green
* Sh-t is big, long, and regular brown

If you got more DOO-DOO DEFINITIONS, post them mugs in the comment box

P.S. If you are offended by DOO-DOO TALK, your stay on MadeMonarchs.com is not welcomed anyway! You ol' mark-a$$-buster!!

MORE DOO-DOO STORIES TO COME!!!

Public Announcement: Don't Talk to Me While I'm Shittin

Have you ever been on the toilet, and someone starts a conversation with you?.. that is like the worst shit ever! like, who really thinks that it is cool to talk while you are shitting? i mean, i am possibly the most unprivate person in the world and i even see starting a conversation with someone while they are relieving themselves as intrusive. when i am on the shitter, i like complete privacy... 90% of the time i am just sitting on that m*therf*cker thinking about life. (i have solved alot of issues while my bare ass is resting on a porcelain surface.) my time on the toilet is almost comparable to meditation. would you interrupt someone while they are meditating, on some "hey man, how did you feel about what so-and-so was saying in yersteday's staff meeting" type of shit? i sure hope not!.. AND what makes it even worse is that it's always someone that you aren't that cool with.

i remember one time, while i worked at best buy, i was on the toilet and a co-worker tried to pop off a conversation (he must have seen my shoes). i looked around like is this clown really about to talk to me while i am shitting, and decided it would be best if i didn't even respond. i guess he didn't fully get the point and in a confused voice says "john?.. is that you?" i put my face in my one available hand (the other one was holding my shirt up to prevent the toilet water back splash from wetting the back off my polo up), and grumbled "dude, don't you realize i am shitting right now? i try not to talk while i am busy emitting toxins out of my asshole... ya know?".... (needless to say there was silence after that!)

seriously though, how inappropriate is that? i don't even like looking people in the eye, if there is someone in the restroom, when i get up and wash my hands after i have just got off the toilet. even if we are best friends, it's just best to remain silent until after we leave the restroom. being on the toilet is intimate as hell... also, i don't want to lose concentration and accidentally allow my d*ck to hit the inside of the bowl, or mess around and mis-wipe and pull out a doo-doo finger (haha!.. have you ever smelled your finger to make sure if you just rubbed against your ass or Actually touched shit with your finger? that face you make when you find out it's the latter is priceless. that is the most shocking and shameful feeling in the world...)

anyway, the point is, if there is something you want to talk to someone about, don't do it in a public restroom. its just rude!.. unless someone is dying, it is completely inexcusable!