Public Announcement: Don't Talk to Me While I'm Shittin

Have you ever been on the toilet, and someone starts a conversation with you?.. that is like the worst shit ever! like, who really thinks that it is cool to talk while you are shitting? i mean, i am possibly the most unprivate person in the world and i even see starting a conversation with someone while they are relieving themselves as intrusive. when i am on the shitter, i like complete privacy... 90% of the time i am just sitting on that m*therf*cker thinking about life. (i have solved alot of issues while my bare ass is resting on a porcelain surface.) my time on the toilet is almost comparable to meditation. would you interrupt someone while they are meditating, on some "hey man, how did you feel about what so-and-so was saying in yersteday's staff meeting" type of shit? i sure hope not!.. AND what makes it even worse is that it's always someone that you aren't that cool with.

i remember one time, while i worked at best buy, i was on the toilet and a co-worker tried to pop off a conversation (he must have seen my shoes). i looked around like is this clown really about to talk to me while i am shitting, and decided it would be best if i didn't even respond. i guess he didn't fully get the point and in a confused voice says "john?.. is that you?" i put my face in my one available hand (the other one was holding my shirt up to prevent the toilet water back splash from wetting the back off my polo up), and grumbled "dude, don't you realize i am shitting right now? i try not to talk while i am busy emitting toxins out of my asshole... ya know?".... (needless to say there was silence after that!)

seriously though, how inappropriate is that? i don't even like looking people in the eye, if there is someone in the restroom, when i get up and wash my hands after i have just got off the toilet. even if we are best friends, it's just best to remain silent until after we leave the restroom. being on the toilet is intimate as hell... also, i don't want to lose concentration and accidentally allow my d*ck to hit the inside of the bowl, or mess around and mis-wipe and pull out a doo-doo finger (haha!.. have you ever smelled your finger to make sure if you just rubbed against your ass or Actually touched shit with your finger? that face you make when you find out it's the latter is priceless. that is the most shocking and shameful feeling in the world...)

anyway, the point is, if there is something you want to talk to someone about, don't do it in a public restroom. its just rude!.. unless someone is dying, it is completely inexcusable!